just a gay intuition

[Title] just a gay intuition
[Byline] by sean robert

I knew it was love at first drink order, when he pulled out a bottle of his feature Cabernet. As he took time to describe the delicate tastes of the wine before me, I was confident that it would only be a matter of time before I showed him my feature red. The handsome server in question was well-balanced, medium-bodied and most definitely wooded. However, his sexual ambiguity left me questioning how fruity his character actually was.

Prior to the appetizer, I had no doubts he could be flaming enough to singe a crème brulee. But closer to the main course, he started to cool enough. Pulling an Anderson Cooper 360º, I was amazed at how fast he had managed to turn full circle from gay to straight right before my very eyes. As the dinner went on, I found myself in an arousing game of Clue to guess his sexual orientation. I only hoped the answer I was looking for involved a bedroom and a candlestick.

Flustered by the time dessert had arrived, I was left wondering: was it just my gaydar that was experiencing technical difficulties? Or was it that my gay sixth sense was simply ineffective, in a world where the line between gay and straight was no longer as clearly defined?

It was only a short time after homosexuality was invented in the late 1800’s that gaydar came into existence. Once Oscar Wilde was convicted of being fabulous, the message to Western gay men was clear: if you are flaming, you will get burned. Forced into walk-in closets and even worse outfits, dandies had no choice but to develop a sixth sense in order to find one another. Refining a good sense of gaydar was the only hope these men had to hit on others of the same sex, without getting hit too hard back.

It was only a short time after homosexuality was invented in the late 1800’s that gaydar came into existence.

Except that was then, and this is now. And in this country, believe you me things have changed. Today we live in a society where more gay men design their closets than live in them. Since it is no longer necessary for homosexuals to conform to such rigid stereotypes in order to point one another out – the meaning of gay signifiers like the platinum hair-do and use of the word fabulous have lost their prominence. Nowadays, having a good sense of gaydar doesn’t matter so long as one has access to the internet or $5 to get in a bar.

Returning to reality back at my table, I realized the answer to my question. It was not my gay intuition that was malfunctioning. Rather, my sexually confusing server was just proof that in today’s world, something things are no longer as gay or straight.

Of course that was until I saw him working the over-sized pepper grinder and knew: a gay man could never be that careless with an object that size or shape.